Soul Fragmentation & Inner Child

Soul Fragmentation and Inner Child Work

“we are the most important project we will ever work on”

(affirmations at end)

a question that i continuously ask myself recently, always, 

Who am I?

constant conformity has me begging for the unusual, unique, and unregulated views i possess.

too much of one thing is never a good thing

where am i? 

how can i find myself? 

questions i have and answers i had found myself looking for externally

through peers, parents, and past

i wasn’t finding the answers, it ultimately lead me into hermit mode, recluse status

i found myself in bed most of the day, not patient enough to close my eyes and actually dig for my answers yet, but a knowing of something

spinning my wheels with all the projects i was fucking forcing to the bitter end, i burnt out

this Gemini was hiding in a basement with the blinds closed binging on Gaia and praying for a miracle.

All these fucking emotions,

what the fuck, i’m feeling!

the great purge had begun.. began?

it felt so weird to turn my brain off ‘go mode’ and feel into my body

the repressed emotions, horrible parenting (w/ no fault to my parents), and what are coping skills?

who knew i was so good at hiding things from myself? Ahhh, the subconscious, how do you do

i started RE-PARENTING myself

i had to, i couldn’t go on any longer like this

the little baby jessie that was crying and scared in the corner from neglect, lack and abuse. 

i would visit her and hold her. i would care for her and kiss her wounds. it was the most powerful thing i had ever experienced before.

i had shut my past out and tried to lie and hide my past for years. i had blocked my inner child completely out of my life and it was me who ultimately needed me, we don’t intend to do this - in retrospect what we’re doing is protecting the vulnerable and soft parts of ourselves from being destroyed

i cried for a week straight like a little baby, couldn't leave the house because i was either anxious AF or in fear.. I’d be at the cashier and she would trigger me in some way and i’d start crying lol

i looked at myself and was like wtf who is this?

OH RIGHT it’s me lol

begging for attention, my baby inside was like feed me!! She hid in the corner, cowering away from me because i had neglected her for so long, ignoring her pleas and emotions

so i gave myself my full, undivided attention

i would feel these emotions, sitting with them and healing the parts of me that had been closed off and fragmented from my human self for protection of being lost forever

all these visions and pictures of how horrible i had grown up (truly because I felt misunderstood and had my own path to forge), bullying, rejection of myself and from others, constant people pleasing with a resentment behind it, all the anger i had pent up inside of me so much fucking rage just ready to explode,  i would see how lonely i was and how horrible i had truly felt all my life up to this point just flash before my eyes

• i lacked love, from and for myself

• i forgot to consider my own needs

• i neglected the emotions that pair with experiences to give us the answers we crave

in hindsight, with no fault of my own - to blame will not help us heal

we all choose our ‘Sacred Contracts’ before birth in the 3D

how would i ever get to know myself with so much judgement and resentment behind my motives?

simple,

Open you heart space to the highest frequency of All That Is

removing the filter of the EGO and relishing in the presence of your soul

where this is no judgement, no pain or suffering

it just is, all that is, Love, Compassion, Understanding, Gratitude

i had came to realizations that helped me dig, search and heal my fragmented pieces of my soul and welcoming them back with love and ACCEPTANCE

and ultimately opening myself up to the Divine Abundance and Greatness that this Universe naturally exudes and amplifies with the help of us

that’s why we’re here y’know, to help and heal, to give and receive, w/ no one more worthy or deserving than the other. Equal, but with different paths!

remember this: I am worthy of all my desires just because I am alive

Abundance is our birth right,

it is the programming that has been layered on top of our soul and mind that blocks that abundance from coming to us

whether it be a belief of unworthiness, hidden anger towards a situation or person, having to suffer to receive was a big one for me, that life was meant to be hard and difficult

all these beliefs are fucking lies that we tell ourselves or have been told, and these are just some of the beliefs some of us carry with us

not to scare you or overwhelm you this is more to help you open your mind and see where your programming effects you - we have 1000′s of faulty beliefs and 95% of them didn’t come from us they we’re imprinted from other people, situations or institutions

and they can be released without having to search endlessly for them

and that’s where Theta Healing came into my life,

i realize i haven’t explained to those who may not know what Theta Healing is and i will do just that:

Theta Healing is meditating in your Theta brain wave state that through healing will bring you closer to your Higher Self/Soul/Creator with physical, psychological and spiritual healing of programs and beliefs that are holding us hostage in our subconscious mind.

we become our true selves.

it’s the purge or societal views, back home to your soul and higher self

here i thought everyone else was the problem, and now i’m like ooooohhhh right it’shmeeee

to make a short story long:

I have been working with R for 4 months now and my life has made a complete 180 and lead my to find my purpose with helping heal the collective and grow into a higher and expanded consciousness of awareness.

from drug abuse, alcoholism, self loathing, pushing forcing and swimming upstream for most of my life, lost ad confused, looking for a cliff, and this aching need to figure shit out

to now where i am still resting, breathing, smiling, feeling, and releasing 

in complete serenity and tranquility, most days lol

but the point being is that now i know how to process these emotions, and i’m learning about WHO I AM, dissolving the EGO and seeing the full picture, myself

• why am i feeling this way?

• is this good or bad, and is this a belief that is worthy of releasing (if bad always yes lol) release that shit, you’re too good to be carrying a backpack of crap lol put the damn shit down

and here I am, still not sure who the fuck i am but i have a way better idea of it today than i did a few years ago and i really do thank Theta Healing for my growth, it’s been life changing and I’m so excited and blessed to be here sharing this with you, definitely something that used to be miles away from my comfort zone

releasing the belief that it is unfair, unsafe and ung-dly to be seen and to put myself out there. 

replacing with:

i give myself permission to share love, wisdom and confidence with those who need it because i am worthy and deserving of being seen and receiving recognition for my efforts

legit if you want to know more about Theta hit me up lol it’s fucking mind blowing

some affirmations for you beautiful souls:

I am open to the abundance and greatness the Universe offers

I am divine

I see and feel the support I have from Source

I am a divine goddess worthy of all that I desire

I am worthy of love and appreciation - because i have found that love of yourself is what brings in abundance on all levels (including money) 

My voice matters

My feelings matter

My opinions are important

I let go of my past insecurities and focus completely on feeling confident, secure and independent

Love, Peace, and Joy are what I know

i choose to live through the open space in my heart . I look for love and find it everywhere

My mind is cleansed and free. I leave the past and move into the new. All is well.

There is a joyous release of the past. Life is sweet and so am I

All Healing and health is flowing to me now

I am always safe and protected

I am confident in my full recovery

I am learning what my body needs to be in a perfect state of health

It’s my time to heal

I deserve great health, wealth and abundance

I trust myself

I have the courage and strength to enjoy my life, no matter what comes

I let go of perfectionism and thoroughly enjoy myself here and now

I free myself from the past and take actions that reflect my life purpose

I am supported by life

I awaken the self healing power within me

I show my strength through releasing all beliefs that no longer serve me.

thank you thank you thank you 

and so it is

love you,

HH