The Worthiness Wound

I feel this is a collective wound that many deal with. It’s healable, but like many deep, ancestral and generational wounds it’s painful to even look at not to mention sit and feel through.

I’ve hidden and suppressed it for many years.. The victim mentality coming through and wondering why? Why am I not receiving divine abundance - it’s my birthright after all.

Well it is.. but our internal realities and stories create the blocks that bind. Great, we are faced with ourselves at the end - but fault is nowhere near.

This is an excerpt from my personal “diary” so to say, and I hope in some way it can hold your heart and help you feel the depth that so many of us feel when we think of our worthiness.

It is explicit and it is raw, and if you read it to the end it will bring you out of the pain and back to sovereignty and choice, where release is present and we are freed.

EXPLICIT WARNING

Oh how deep it runs, collectively I feel we all carry something of the sorts

How painful it is

It cuts like a knife

Why the fuck do we have to go through something so painful

I feel like I am dying on the inside

My masculine is calm and releasing its hold

While my feminine holds the masculine and allows him to cry the pain into her loving arms

We were never given anything more than we can handle but fuck this fucking kills

It kills many people I bet

This feeling of yearning this feeling of not being good enough

We didn’t choose this

Armoring to protect

Shielding to protect

When will this agony end

I don’t want anyone to see me go through this but deep down I’m dying for someone to hold me

Tear stained cheeks as I cry for the millionth time trying to let go of the pain that holds me hostage in this prison

We cant give ourselves that which we feel undeserving of

Fuck you to all the people who told me this

Fuck everything

I hate the people who have more than me

I hate the people who are way shittier people and have it so fucking easy

Thinking of who I want around me through this and nobody would ever come close to telling me or saying anything that would make me feel better through this

I am my own savior my own best friend my own healer

A little girl with a heart of gold, authentic and pure

Told she wasn’t good enough, made to feel like she wasn’t enough

You have to be more this, don’t do this, shut yourself off completely

Taught to be someone of a masked villain

No mercy

And now she closes herself off to everything that would make her feel remotely good

But I fucking love you and I’m sorry that you were made to feel the same

What a life you must live, a mirror to mine.

I vow to hold my daughter with the utmost respect and tell her how amazing she is I will fucking clear these wounds so she can live in peace and harmony with most importantly herself

The patriarchal way of suppressing the feminine is abolished in the depths of these wounds, mother earth herself cannot hold this pain any longer

We are shifting and we are healing what has gone on too long.

Fear is diminished and we are embracing the loving and destructive energy of Kali, the divine feminine will feel - and heal.

I needed so much protection and now that I don’t it feels like taking it down was just as painful as building it in the first place

The tears stop as I hear a noise

Nobody can see the pain I feel deep inside

Its terror

As he walks away I feel my heart fall like my inner child just wants him beside me but everything else pushes it away

My sniffles seem like their in vain

Who fucking made me like this

I am so sorry - to myself, my arms wrap around my chest

You never ever deserved this

Nobody does

Nobody deserves to be so disconnected from love

The tears are wiped and the slate is clean but its still there

To let go

How

The pain of a loveless life

The pain of knowing other people have it easier

The whys and wtf’s just roll to the surface the jealousy and envy of a painless life

Is there such a thing

So many things I could get mad at him for

None of them are worth it

Compared to this disgusting feeling of shame

Shame is a killer

I can get it I can get everything I want to in life

It just feels never ending

Nobody gets it and nobody will this is my fight to win

The fight against evil

Let go of it all

How do I believe when I never have

That love is the answer

That people are good

That I am good

That this will turn around

Just do the things

The shame of who I am

The thing that makes me me was stolen before I even got the chance to know her

But she’s never gone

She’s inside

And I am here for her I am the support and guide that she never had that was stolen from her

The most beautiful girl in the world

Lives inside me

She is me

I am her

And I will always be there for her

I am so fucking tired of feeling like I’m not worthy like I’m not good enough to be who I want to be or do what I want to do

I am made of the same beautiful intricate cells and energy that created this earth, I am the creator incarnate

What makes me less worthy? The answer is evil, the pain that travels lifetimes, it’s time to let go of the beliefs that hold me hostage to pain and suffering

There is truly nothing holding me back but the subconscious

The programming and abuse that makes me stronger

My feminine is dark and deep she has been given the worse pain and has risen through it

Nothing can stop me

Nothing has and nothing ever will

My worth is limitless

My worth is omnipresent

It travels dimensions and it is completely separate from time and space

Time and space is a man made construct for our minds to comprehend

I release all limitations I have put on myself and open myself to the expanse of the universe that which grows and never ends

Like my energy and passion

I release all blocks of shame and guilt and open myself up to myself

My passion is myself and the ever growing consciousness that lives inside me

I vow to do everything it takes to take care of myself and love myself unconditionally

I am worthy I am more than worthy of all of my desires

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

These are released and banished from all eternity all timelines

Replaced with unconditional love

These healings will integrate overnight or however long it takes, but I believe it will happen overnight and I will wake up tomorrow with a passion burning so deep that I create a miracle and wake up with a smile on my face and sexual energy oozing from every pore ready to be put into my dreams

This is healing, this is reality, and I am here beside you, every step of the way.. I love you always - The Holistic Hedonist