bpd and empathy

so im pondering

life and all its fuck shit lol

and what came to mind is this idea

of bpd and being an empath

i was diagnosed at the tail end of a relationship

looking back i can see i felt like my nervous system was in survival

i had no boundaries and was chasing

very loose in my own stability because of childhood trauma

pedestalling lol

self abandonment

etc

due to my own wounding

and no shame

i made these choices to falter on my own morals to please

but thats where i started thinking about empathy

and being in a relationship

with childhood trauma

or with being a very loving person

and wanting to please the other

it looks externally

like it can create this lopsided kinda teeter totter

of internal struggle

physically and mentally

emotionally too

self abandonment to not hurt the other

self abandonment to be the best we can for the other

self abandonment to be accepted

i mean all the things we do out of trauma in relationships

the list is unique to each situation

where we want to make things work

were in kinda a bait and switch situation where

we are told that yes we will be granted all these things that will make us happy

so abandon self little by little

and then it never happens

so we continue to falter on our own values and morals

in hopes that we will receive the further commitment

and it never happens

we just continually get pushed farther away from our equilibrium

only to be left wondering, who am i?

and wondering how do we live our lives again

and i mean its a perfect time to gather self and re-evaluate

but these 3 letter acronyms are everywhere now

and like i said in a previous post, or maybe it was a video where if we accept these in our energetic field

we just summon more of that energy

because we are identifying with it

then the relationship is unbalanced people grow toxic

thing arent working etc and

we have completely lost ourselves in the relationship

like this may sound like shade but im not meaning it to be

it can be both ways

and i think it flips in these narc/empath dynamics

which really are just the power struggle of the relationship

who energetically holds the pants/key lol

and it is because of unresolved childhood trauma

self abandonment being a big factor

losing ourselves for the approval of the other

and i think that also in the cases where we are in codependent relationships what happens

is we have these push and pull dynamics

running and chasing

where we think we have to be a certain way and so its another factor where we lose ourselves

enough to the point where when we leave the relationship we are very off kilter because we are so far from our normal operating procedure lol

so its a lot to handle and grasp when we have emotions coming out the yang

a lot of shit going on mentally

you know its a recipe for a spiral

just interesting

because now kinda coming out

i feel kinda back to myself and i was wondering that in relationships

gunna go spiritual on yo ass

in these situations where we have our angels and demons

because its just a seen or hidden aspect of self

i feel as empaths

and deep lovers

we take on the energies of the other

and then we make them our own

out of love

and i feel like this can happen where we take on these energies of the other person

and when we come out of the relationship its like

who are we

and we have to find ourself

and we still love the person

so we are still connected

and i wonder if these energies - obvious cords of attachment and stuff are still there we stay connected unknowingly

or soul contracts you know where we were given these things to heal etc

and it has to last a certain period of time for our own lessons

and its like wait why am i acting like this

or why do i have this trait

i never had this before

and its a cord

or attachment

or something

that as empaths (i believe we all have empathy, its just triggered with different actions and energies)

and so we take on these patterns that are unlike ourselves because of love

admiration

etc

we just do this out of love

and we had done that in the relationship

to make life easier for the other person you know

and easier for ourselves as well lol sometimes to just keep the peace

slowly chipping away

just interesting because i definitely feel

or felt more so

wonky

bpd

extremist

during and

after the fact

but now i feel whole and like myself again

just interesting thoughts on what i gathered

lol

dating as a form of psychological studies

and going through a saturn return

cutting cords

clearing energy

coming back to ourselves

and i mean

this can take years too

like love is special

love is a big thing

and it is life

you know

it drives the human

so its interesting to witness consciously

what is actually going on in an astral or 5d space

and how it is projected outwards because more and more now i think people are suffering with mental illness and its like where does this connect

what traits have we lovingly took from our partners/friends/parents/relationships in general

out of love

and claimed as our own

and if we are constantly changing

what now fits and what no longer works

i think these situations of deep trauma, loss and grief is what is the dynamite to explode the shit off these wounds for us to really look at them

only because we wouldnt touch them otherwise if we are operating “semi decent”

you know its not causing harm but is it allowing us to reach our greatest potential by keeping these things hidden

and thats like the soul path

or evolution

i mean we all have our own journey

what have we acquired energetically that we took out of love for another

that is no longer serving us