depth/duality

the depth of your pain will always be equal to the depth of your love

protection

awareness

maturity

is first understanding the depth in which someone else has the capacity to love

reciprocate your love

learning how love can heal

learning how love has the ability to transform

but also understanding and integrating how our responsibility is to allow that love in

if we have a mountain of reasons as to why we are unworthy of love

that love does not seep in

to heal these wounds

forgiveness

no matter how big

is always granted

it is our own ability to forgive ourselves

ive been thinking about forgiveness and how to make it more accessible

everyone has their own lessons

for me i believe that to be able to forgive ourselves

there has to be an acceptance

awareness

accpetance of self

and to accept the self

we have to see the self

and thats where shit gets murky

first

we have to understand the purity of self

feel the innocence

unknowningness

of the human

understanding

grace

of humanity

is forgiveness the catalyst for love?

what stops us from forgiving

i feel its easier to forgive external sources

than the self

because the self should have known

well hindsight is 20/20

to forgive wholly

completely

to take the ego out of the equation

the ego is what holds the prison

at first we believe the ego is what will stop us from repeating

but truly its the heart

and the heart is what needs forgiveness

the heart is what needs love

the heart is what needs to feel

the heart is what allows acceptance

living in the ego takes us away from these feelings

and allows us to function

systematically

but the heart makes it worthwhile

the heart allows us to be driven in directiosn the mind is not even aware of

if we allow

if we accept

if we love

understand

and see the whole story of self

taking the personalization out of the mind (which is hard)

and feeling

the personalization of life

the responsibility of life

after all… its my life

I AM statements

my life, your life

its our experience

and yeah i get it responsibility is apart of life

but to have to carry so much

emotionally, physcially

responsibility

to make us feel worthy

of love or anything else

to feel worthy is bullshit

because we are worthy

like even without the fucken responsibility

if we allow it

the power of the mind is immeasurble

they havent even made a comuter that matches the cpaabilities of the mind

so why are we living in these prisons of systematic habits

of hate

separation

delusion

learnt, taught, programmed

these are carfeully thought out consrtucts to control humanity

that have been put in place way before our lives started

and have been engrained in our neuropathways for generations

well maybe a couple/few

when we can simply feel

allow

and open

wouldnt it be nice

i mean its not as easy as writing this

but just from my heart

if we were able to forgive ourselves

accept that even with our impurities

uncertainties

mistakes

and as big as it is for even us to accept they are

allowing us to feel

opens us to accepting and feeling the depth of love in that same capacity

which is healing

releasing this poison that is flooding society

the blame

hate

fear

we all suck

were all humans

theres always someone else whos done worse than you

i mean its not something to live by

but in times of strife and turmoil

forgive

accept

love

change

i think the feeling aspect is what really shifts us to change

because we have completed that cycle

living in the mind, not feeling

all it does is create tension

the emotions build

and it happens again

the mind is powerful but the body holds the score

love

feels way better than the constrictive energy of hate

it poisons something beautiful

and we are holding ourselves back from our own strength

internally

that we can gain from experiencing life

from love

self love

acceptance

ive noticed my own behaviours where its like okay if its not me its them

i like being right

but two people can be right

because theres two perspectives

two people who have totally different psyches

lives

values

childhoods

and what makes one more right

its feeling

what feels right to you

its all a spectrum

living in absolutes is another doozy

bpd

black and white

wheres the grey?

wheres the individuality of choice

feeling

the mind likes to catagorize

so if its not this

its that

and the mind feels safe

its like okay

i can put this to rest now

and so it goes to its next task

but that doesnt evolve

it soothes

a feeling that the mind is reacting to

and its either a good feeling

or a bad feeling

the strength of self

the strength of love

releasing these chains that hold us to these impossible standards

and what could we create if there was more love

i sound so corny

venus retrograde is shadowing and i can feel it coming in hot

but its real

ive ecxperienced a lot of hate in my life

a lot of fake shit

a lot of bullshit

and it sucks to suck

lol

we all suck sometimes…

so what do you wanna choose to wallow in

i mean its habitual too

what are we used to feeling

what is our homeostasis

what do we expect

its like the rats in the experiments that they hit a lever and they recieve a treat

so they start jumping on this lever

continuously

and then they stop getting treats

the rats will stilkl hop on the lever

they will drain their energy completely jumping on this lever

dying on the lever

with expectations of treats

same with love

work

money

acceptance

i mean list the fucking shit that humans will do for a “treat”

in my experience

its just what it is

and i guess thats where im learning self love

because i can love a lot externally

i can handle a lot and i can feel deeply

and i love hard

but for me to expect others to show me that same love

its been proven to be naive

but its also my job to love me

but thats my thing

how do i love myself?

you know learning these things and accpeting love

forgiving myself

accepting my own forgiveness

accepting my own love

or having my love

be good enough

oooof..

its lejit

lol

being human is weird

and thats where i hate society

its like even as adults

its a fucking joke to think we have it figured

to think we know

our brains will tell us we do

so they can shut the fuck up lol

but really

we dont know shit

things change

evolve

and so do we

energy is continuously moving

we may have the matrix figured

but do we know ourselves?

no

and its programmed that way

thast how they want it to be

(whos they, lol i know)

but like if we were to focus on ourselves

we would be far to powerful

and there would be no people to slave to these systems that keep these grandeur societies afloat

like retirement

that was created in russia in the 1950s

during whatever revolution

its like okay lets work these fuckers till theyre like 65

and then they can live there lives

like fuck off

no thanks

thats fucked

i will not submit

but

sometimes we dont see were in the maze

were just the rat on the lever

bouncing to get our next pay check

or jumping to get approval that oh yay we worked 48595hours this week so that makes me feel like im important

yeah well

youre important

lol

even on the couch

youre important

because your a living breathing person

youre so important you have a license

a social insurance number

a passport

you are that important

but

all these ways of living that takes us away from feeling important

because we arent even in control of our own lives

or we feel like we arent

we are placed in situations where people cant afford to eat

pay rent

buy vehicles to get to these jobs

and yet sorry, you have to work

and by the way

you have to deal with inflation

while we deflate your will to live

as well as place you in these systems that disempower you, as early as 5 years old

and that will continue

and it will be called your life

like fuck off

lol fuck it makes my blood boil

anyways

moral of the story

i believe

removing ourselves from hate

removing ourselves from our self imposed prisons of “shoulds”

and honestly hopefully moving into and evolving into

a society that values the individual

what do you wanna do?

well we have the capacity to actually understand that because we love ourselves

we have forgiven ourselves and so with that we open space for new

and since we are capable of this dualistic nature that we can expand this love to the greatness of shit we have endured lol

we take the time to look at listen and figure out what we wanna do

and then we move in that direction

but we cant do that if were stuck in self loathing

i mean i dont think

happily

but whatever

in a perfect world

i hope i live to see the day

forgive

love

and live

and know that the greatness of our struggle is equal or greater to the greatness of our achievements

where is our focus