THE DEVIL

You broke me to a place

I stayed lifeless for a while

time has no meaning here

when you are laying in a puddle of your own perceived shame and guilt

from the wound of careless hatred and sadness

did you choose to do this because you thought you were better than me?

because you wanted to dim my light?

did i scare you?

did i intimidate you?

the person laying on the ground right now would not have the same effect

technically you won the battle, but you didn’t win the race

in the time here i learnt some valuable lessons that i have to be truthful about

i want to thank you

but you only led me here

you did nothing else but show the cruelty in you

we all have it, you aren’t special

i thank me

i thank me for not quitting

i thank me for knowing there is a reason for being here

i can handle this

i would wish to do the same to you

except i am not you

and thank fuck i am nothing but a reminder of who you wish you could be

a person who rips people down from fear

i can see a mirror with cracks running down it

an ornate frame of beauty holding it together

i can see the similarity as i go inside

it is comforting like my heart

i see now that we are both broken

you hold people down with control however you can grasp

i see your white knuckles, trembling

you found my weakness

did my love offend you?

did the intensity of my love open up the box of unworthiness that you hide away from the world?

the mask you wear is no match for my love

i loved you anyway

coward

the perfect persona is no match for a person of my caliber

i know my darkness we made enemies a long time ago

remember me telling you all about it?

while you sat in silence and shame?

the imbalance of our love was unignorably

i don’t blame you

i blame me for being fooled so many times by the likes of you

allowing your gold to taint my heart

believing i wasn’t worthy of the bare minimum

it continued getting worse and worse

less and less

the love, a faint memory to the pain of rejection and abandonment

the smallest act of kindness - too much for you to bear

you sink into the power i gave you so freely and unconditionally

trusting your words and ignoring your actions

how much we can change when working beside the devil

you almost had me believing the story you were shoving in my face

you are unworthy of my love

and yet it still feels wrong for me to say

as i know the workings of the mind

the law of mirrors

what i wish upon others i wish upon myself

i am more than you anticipated

stronger than you judged

you are no match for me

i see through the mask

the excuses and half assed cover ups

the way you think you can fool is cunning and cute

i thought you reminded me of someone

the resemblance, uncanny

words, voices, visions so similar to a past..

you almost had me fooled

but its the devil in me that brings our the devil in you

there is no separation

i can see it now

the reflection so clear

i cant deny it for a moment

that this is someone else’s story other than my own

i want to hate you but i can’t find the time

you are the body he used

the actions he manipulated

the hate he knows is mine

mirrored

in a way,

i see love

in the devil

because i see me clearly

i am no match for your games

i no longer believe the story you are telling me

can we be friends?

my standards have raised

if you meet me there, we can talk

until then i look down on you and at the bed you made

i see my defenses lowering as i’m laying where you left me

i have no choice but to open up to love

defense is all i’ve known

the history runs deep

we’ve been here before

it is not new

perhaps that’s why i feel so comfortable slipping back into the white knuckles that bind us two

but i never looked at you

naïve to believe that ignorance is bliss

you would quiet from time to time - the other side of love

but my resistance heightened when connection called for me

bringing you closer

hearing you louder

did you just want my attention?

broken and sad like the ones you prey upon

no one is safe

i get closer

and see the face, of a small me

hands around her knees rocking herself in the corner of this dream

i feel this pit

the one i’ve been living in

get closer as she does

scared and alone, uncertain and full of fear

her emotions are mine and i am her

without love and needing affection i realize now that the entity i’ve been fighting against

the one they call the devil

is just needs unmet

from a long time ago

a small me, not knowing where to go

has the voice of a lion and as tears run down my face

i release the shame of attracting

such horrible versions of the human race

im sorry as i grab her from her scared and wondering state

she knows me well there is no void she runs this fucking place

she’s been waiting for me to get here

the lows that she resides

i had to listen and be here long enough for her, to find

im sorry it took me so long

i didn’t want to come

it hurts me too and im sorry i abandoned you so long

a memory ive travelled through before

funny how the mind can skim when knowing the depths it carries

the body told it long ago this was not a place to return

the neck tightens as i finally give a voice to the little one i left

it wasn’t me in reality it was the absent father i never met

on a pedestal he went

the unknown of what could be

won precedence over reality

sovereignty is a choice

i hear of all these birth rights

but it doesn’t happen without healing

the earth plane is one of the densest energies to travel

karma is inevitable and no one gets out alive

the wounds i held on to - old and feeble

clinging like i did to the idea that i was unworthy

a little me not knowing the difference between what is mine and what is theirs

i cry with her in my arms brushing my hands against her hair

i love you and i am all you need

there is no one else that will ever amount to the beautiful little you

releasing the perfect idea of impartialism

so i stand up and brush off the dust that once shaded my light

little me in my arms we head towards the light

i look beside me and without a doubt i know the face so well

the devil, smiles, holds out his hand and i can feel our bodies swell

once so afraid of the power that you held, as though i thought it was separate from me

i know its my own

the power you receive

is the power i give to the stories, trauma and wounds

i kiss them rather than hide them because they are me and i am you

there’s no running from the devil

it is all apart of us

the good the bad the beautiful and ugly

its a perception of ourselves

a comparison to what should be

a denial of what is

there is no separation

acceptance is the answer

to see fully inside myself and rekindle the flame that be

i see me in you and you in me

the man i hated for the way he treated me is no longer there

through realization i have seen that i needed to be broken, naked, laying in shame

to truly see

and for that i am thankful

that i am strong enough to have danced with the one they call the devil.