Who Knows?

where do we draw the line?

in stopping the doing of putting ourselves down

beating ourselves up

comparing and fighting against what is ultimately ours

jealousy, fear, shame and rejection

all things we can relate to

i find it so easy TOO easy to place blame on others when my feelings get hurt

it’s almost like my favourite thing to do lol i release all responsibility and just let it fly

not in a fun sense i mean it sounds fun

but the reprecussions are not

i find in the tf journey our mirrors are fucking annoying and also such a beautiful learning tool

lol i guess thats how it was intended

everything is a perfect energetic mirror

when we give energy we recieve the direct reciprocation of where that energy came from

there’s no denying the laws of the universe

i’m just blabbering

they are normal human emotions and reactions

where do we draw the line though?

truthfully a lot of times humans do not change until the discomfort of staying is greater thna the comfort of staying the same.. did that make sense?

so we will continue talking negatively about ourselves until we can ultimately break and realize it is us who will build ourselves back up

i had a chat with a gf today that really solidified these beliefs

how long will i be my own worst enemy?

how long will i hold myself to the shit ive done while devaluing all the amazing qualities i have

if i hold my jealousy and anger inside i will explode

but what if the universe is handing me something of a treat in the form of un-comfortability

so i definitely resonate with jealousy quite a bit

i get jealous often and i categorize it as a very shameful emotion

so i hide it

in these honest moments i can see where i can help myself

i can also see why i feel jealous which is because i compare myself to them and i truly dont give myself the credit i deserve

what i can do is start speaking more kindly to mmyself, putting little notes around the house stating i am sexy, i am gorgeous, i am enough, and i am all i need to be

instead of turning inwards giving my power away to the most beautiful woman in the room i can openly voice what i find beautiful about her

i can list what i find beautiful about other people openly releasing the shame around my jealousy as well as voicing similar traits and characteristics that they hold

these are (without divulging too much of my personal life) all things i have the opportunity to work on with a friend right now which feels like a blessing and a funny one at that because honestly i would have never thought i would want to do this

but releasing the attachment of it all and really embodying my own essence which is VERY in love with visual appearances in turn growing my own self esteem around the matter

how can we help ourselves rather than beat ourselves down in times of adversity - since adversity is where we grow, learn and understand

acceptance of what is - what is happening accept it.. i am jealous and thats okay

releasing the charge of a “negative” emotion by stating that it is normal

we all feel jealous

we all feel shame

we all feel

and thats humaning

hearing someone talk about me and how they think i am so beautiful just blows my mind when i can think so directly opposite about myself

that correlation with perception of beauty them seeing the beauty from inside and myself seeing the darkness i have not yet accepted

accepted in order to love

is that a probable examination?

i was reading earlier that in relationships if we too easily rely on others it can ultimately lead to the relationships demise, now this is defnietly edited to fit what i read into a small bite sized sentence

but in that it is true, if we need constant validation from our partners and we dont recieve that we have the urge to fight for it - in reality this is all something we need to give to ourselves - funny concept very true in my eyes

doesnt make it any easier to digest lol

still we are left with HOW

HOW DO I?!

well it’s time to get creative