chiron and comfort zones

getting clear on desires is how this one is starting

i feel like consciously

well going off of okay so there are ranges of people

some think deeply

some are superficial in thinking

and thats just balance

but finding desires goes deep

we can live superficially with what everyone says we should want or we can go deep within ourselves and enerich our lives withs shit that really fills us up

satisfies the hunger

allows us to rest and be at peace

but anyways, with getting clear on desires i feel like its a learning experience

and in a fear based mindset, we dont want to try

or like experience right, because of the fear

it can be dibilitating

so we stay where we know

and the comfort zone is like this thing where we make foundations and stabilities and its like okay i like this now build

and that becomes comfortable

where were at

and so we get used to these things because it creates a sense of identity and good feelings, we win, we accomplish it solidifies these aspects of our identites and creates safety

safety is key in building or even expressing

so we feel safe in these walls and constructs and ideologies and we pick what we like and what works and this can be from an empowered sense or it can be from a disempowered, wounded sense

where we are protecting wounds, we are protecting fears, we are protecting our inner child

these walls and comfort zones can be cages too

so with me right now, learning about these walls, being shown these walls more and more

opening up to myself

i noticed there are funny ways in which these walls can keep us stuck

unbenownst to us

like it is very much something that feels SO NORMAL

its like fucken breathing

a big sign is fear, lol that nudge of like fuuuuuck im uncomfortable lol fuck i even have that going to the grocery store

and i thought that life had to be like that

until i realized that one of my walls was this fear and like doom

like if i go to the grocery store i cant stand up for myself, im being judged, lol blah blah like really unpacking why i feel this fear

and so when i can look at the fear which is public lol (saturn in aquarius) i do be feelin like an alien lol

but yeah i thought life was like supposed to be that push and fear and go push it

and like it is, im sure you can recall a time when you got an intuitive hit and its like go do this, and its kinda like outside your norm but you go

so in those situations this fear that creeps up

and ive realized if i dont do something then i feel shame and guilt like im behind, like i figured out this fear cycle inside me

and its something that i used to keep myself accountable but it doesnt benefit me anymore

in this new mindset

new reality

where things can be easy and go with your flow, and listen to your body

theres balance but it doesnt have to be so balls to the wall

that was news to me lol

felt like i uncovered the biggest realization of my entire life, an epiphany lol

in big letters in my mind

“I MATTER”

lol who woulda thought

switching from fear based to love based

from depression to expression

expansion

fear i believ is real

i feel it

but i thinnk we kinda misinterpret like fear

and where i can see it as thats our limit

so were going a bit over

it doesnt have to be big

its the underlying feeling of something bad is gunna happen

and its gunna happen to me

its a vibe of

of feeling powerless, helpless, losing my strength and power

being seen

ah yes the other half comes out lol

so yeah fear of being seen

fully

or in a new light

lol this year has started on a really cool journey

really energetic

but i was driving and noticed when i started thinking about love i would push it away

and im talking like certain aspects that are just like no, lol i dont wanna remember

its a big one im working through

and i literally was just like sick to my fucking stomach lol thinking of me being seen in certain lights

it was like wretched

nausiating

and

cringe lol

im like okay so feel this but how do i work through this

lol like just srtaed laughing at myself because my conscious mind is like seeking acceptance love, blah blah

so welcome in love

and just let it expand

and i can feel this emotion of like being seen in certain lights, or fully for who i am, myself, authentic

makes me sick

like such a weird concept

so how do we work through it

i realized that if we can handle ourselves at our worst then it really doesnt matter if anyone else can lol

and its a good feeling to come back home to self

unpacking more

so i was doing the ol life review and wondering k when did all this shit happen

i have always loved people

i have always loved having fun

laughing is my favourite

but where is this wound stemming from

when did it start or was it even an event i started wondering

because really its been a while, maybe its written in the stars

so i did more research on wounding and how they show up in astrology and found chiron

this is a while ago i might add these just came together recently though

and so chiron is the wounded healer - its an asteroid in your chart and you can take a look and see your core wounds too

but mines in leo 10th house

lol the star of the show in the zodiac and WORK/purpose lol

the exact thing i fucking hate lol

it just makes me cringe so hard - being seen that is, or like showy shit, like being looked at, or like that feeling just makes me feel super vulnerable and no

lol even thinking about it im like getting a sick feeling

how does one work through these

well

by feeling

and how do we feel fully

we be put in these situations lol

mind you what im learnign and realizing is

yes jessie, they deserve to be safe and trustworthy

so this is where that fear comes up again

right, the wounds are scared to get ripped open again

so its a fear and its like yeah lets just avoid this in general

well its to the point where its time to heal these

and i think theres beauty in comfort zones

but i also see great value in loving yourslef through this, and being nice to yourself

not doing things you dont want to, not hanging with people who suck the life out of you, like just be

a human

enjoying life

lol not judging yourself

just chillin

because the shame hiding and dwelling how i piscture it is just a nice breeding ground for bacteria lol for that wound there

i see myself just curled up next to this big open wound and im guarding it rightfully so

lol my wound

so yeah, desires

these desires are coming from this wound

the desire to be seen, accepted, loved for who i really am

these desires are what will fulfill our lives with a really deep sense of wholeness

these desires matter and its the one thing you can give yourself that will continue benefitting you, forever lol never loses its value

just realized how my words tend to downplay intense emotions lol inside i have tons of emotions but my mouth filter or words really come across quite nonchalant lol

like the lol at the end

anyways, the fear mentality and how to shift it

its safety

safety is key & love

always throw some love in there

and you deserve safety

you are worthy of safety

in any situaion you can create safety

but thats where the comfort zones are being stretched and where we can get caught in a loop mentally because the way out is through the comfort zone

the communication, the vulnerablitiy, the whatever step we are taking to do that thing for ourselves.

its not fun, but the energy is powerful in momentum when we move towards love

and i can be ssuper stubborn, but im also very protective

and its been a journey unrravelling and unwinding these things that do matter to me that no one can see

the things ive been guarding but are asking for attention

they show up and really change your reality if you let them

lol for the good

xx