integrating harsh realities

how do we integrate our lives back together after addiction?

this is something that can feel like an internal battle

and abrasive

and i feel its abrasive because when we are dissociated from what we truly feel and what our boundaries are

we can really hurt and damage ourselves in the process

hurting our souls

unconsciously too

so i wanna talk about how we can start safely integrating our pasts so we can find our inner strength again

because there are positives

mountains of them

its just a perception

IM NOT A DOCTOR I DONT CLAIM TO BE I AM SIMPLY A WOMAN CHANNELING DIVINE WISDOM THROUGH ME ONTO THE PAGE lol THIS IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY

i have memories that kinda come and go, when you want to remember and when you don’t

dissociating and pushing things aside, focusing on something else

pushing through is what i call it

when you dont know why but you just know you gotta keep going lol because there’s a lot of shit going on

but yeah and then when coming back into our bodies after being out of them for so long is an intense feeling because we dont have a lot of memories to go with the trauma that occured

its just a bad memory stored away and like lost away

and allowing these things to come up, without having our nervous systems go into over drive

is something that is impactful to be facilitated by a practitioner

because with all this heavy drug and alcohol use around us, thats dissociation

atleast thats what i think

a feeling of just being in a cycle

and being in denial that that was the issue

or part of the issue

but yeah, it can be hard to look at ourselves in those situations

hard to integrate

because and this is where im still not full circle on this theory of mine lol

but like in ancient times, people used coca in shamanic ceremonies and here we are using it at a bar on a friday just out with the worst intentions some times, using this plant medicine….

anyways

right

its kinda like doing unknown rituals lol

sitting drinking with friends talking about whatever

right like just seeing it differently now

so there’s summoning of forces lol and im not exactly sure how they used cocaine ritually

but my experience with it is that i opened up and could finally feel free i didnt have anxiety when i was high

it was something that felt great

and i used that as a crutch to socialize and connect for 9 years

and through those 9 years

i did a lot of shit that i wasn’t proud of

a lot of shit that i fucking couldnt even rememebr because i didnt want to

and more shit comes up you know

the shame builds

it all builds if its not being looked at

and at times it feels kinda like its everyone else

but yet again,

there was a reason i escaped to drugs and alcohol as well

so that reason had to be looked at

the shame

and its like uncomfortable to feel especially because thats what we did to hide it, drink

its going against our whole bodies circuit board and for some, generations of it, to not drink it away

like it was a go to problem solver

but when you change that creates a ripple effect

its like battling a demon lol

it creates movement for that shame as well, changing habits, doing things different

it will move it and bring it up to be processed

rather than locking it up

letting it flow

but yeah i think this is kinda prevalent with the diddy stuff too like being under the influence of drugs and alcohol opens your body up to things that in sober life we do not consent

and these powerful drugs and ritual ceremonies of energies coliding and mixing

you know it creates a shit show to deal with

and you know

it doesnt have to be as intense as diddy

but in my life it’s like yeah i wish i had a different more loving and wholesome expereince

rather than it throwing me to the wolves into a pit of hyenas LOL

it created resilience

but yeah

opening the mind

to the possibility that we could still experience love while expressing our truth

and thats only to ourselves

doesnt have to be with anyone else

but the recognition of yourself is the alchemy that releases this connection of energy as well

the shame is what holds onto it

these aspects of self i’ve hidden away and not looked at due to shame

they are strong parts of me they meant well

they weren’t trying to harm they were just acting out and then add some fire water and lord knows what else to the party,

thats a humiliation ritual to me

thats another reason i love energy healing lol

its a safe container to feel and express these painful and dark emotions and let them go

its an exchange of energy with the earth

and then you also feel lighter afterwards

no harm caused

when we see ourselves in the past, struggling, doing our best with what we knew, pushing through

rather than the embarrassment or shame or guilt or whatever other feeling that is clinging on

its empowering, thats being sovereign and in your strength

lol the saying you came into this world alone came to mind

i feel that

you know, its something to admire the strength in our own stories

our own battles, seeing ourselves as a whole picture

and loving ourselves anyways

and i dont believe its something to be rushed

its to be honoured

allowing unconditional love into the mix

it opens up pathways to be able to relax

expand, and breathe again

finding peace in playing the long game

that’s all i have for today,

to be continued

you can connect with me through email if you’d like to work with me ♥

oo